The Easy Habit Everyone Should Try
By Toby Rose
A few years ago, I started a new habit that became a family tradition. Throughout the year, I kept an ongoing list of my children’s accomplishments to read to them on January 1st of the following year.
The genesis of the idea came from a practice my three kids picked up in preschool, where they learned to list the positives and negatives of their day, rose-and-thorn style. While they were willing to share at school, whenever I tried the prompt at home it was met with defiant groans.
Enter an end-of-year list, a covert way to sneak gratitude into their lives in one fell swoop. We call it Reverse Resolutions, and here’s how it works: Instead of making a list of goals for the upcoming year, start a list of everything they’ve already done. A year is a lifetime for kids, and it’s super-fun to watch their faces light up when they’re reminded of their achievements over the past twelve months.
If you’d like to give it a try, here are a few tips to get you started:
-List all accomplishments, no matter how small. Of course school awards, sports highlights, and community service days will make the cut. But I’ve found that often, the minor accomplishments that could go unnoticed end up becoming the most rewarding. This past year, I included such small feats as my daughter being able to get dressed on her own. Also earning its own line item was “No cavities!” The beauty of the list lies in celebrating things big and small.
-Write a physical list, with pen and paper. And keep up with it. Like all parenting discoveries, you think you’ll remember this stuff, but you won’t. Jotting a quick note with pen and paper takes 30 seconds, allowing me to stay more present with my kids – unlike when I capture pictures or video of milestones with my phone, which inevitably causes me to get sucked into checking my email or social channels.
-Leave the list in a handy spot, like the kitchen counter or your car. This way, it’s accessible and you’ll be sure to add to it whenever you can. However, don’t put it in a place where the kids will see it, because that ruins the surprise element at the end of the year. (Also, if your kids are anything like mine, they’ll want to add to it every which way.)
-Don’t share it on social media. These are your family’s private brags and no one beyond the grandparents will be interested in reading it.
-Consider throwing yourself in the mix. Taking pride in my own milestones shows my kids that I’m working at this whole life thing, too. Making a list of achievements you feel good about, or ways you’ve strengthened your connection to the world around you, also works as an excellent exercise in setting goals for the upcoming year.
I never got around to making baby books for my kids and, with so many of our memories collected digitally, I love looking back on these lists from years past. Even more so than pictures, these lists help mark the passage of time for our family. Hopefully, when my kids grow up, they'll be just as meaningful for them — maybe even more than picture books.
Reverse resolutions also boost my kids’ confidence, and let them know I’m paying attention, making them even more excited for the upcoming year. Go ahead and start your own tally. Hopefully you’ll find it as rewarding as we have. At the very least, it’ll give you another reason to put off making baby books.
Toby Rose is a writer and mother living in Nashville. Her work has appeared on Cup of Jo, goop, Joy the Baker, Real Simple, Parents Magazine, and Nashville Scene. You can follow her online @tobyfels.